Ten Steps to Understanding Engineers

Comprehending Engineers - Take One
yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful
yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful
woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the
ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you
want." The other engineer nodded approvingly, "Good
choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."
choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."

Comprehending Engineers - Take Two

To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist,
the glass is half empty. To the engineer, the glass is
twice as big as it needs to be.

Comprehending Engineers - Take Three

A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one
morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The
engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have
been waiting for 15 minutes!" The doctor chimed in, "I
don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude! "The
pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's
have a word with him." [dramatic pause] "Hi George. Say,
what's with that group ahead of us?  They're rather slow,
aren't they?" The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's
a group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight saving
our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let
them play for free anytime." The group was silent for a
moment. The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say
a special prayer for them tonight." The doctor said,
"Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist
buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"

Comprehending Engineers - Take Four

There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for
fixing all things mechanical. After serving his company
loyally for over 30 years, he happily retired. Several years
later the company contacted him regarding a seemingly
impossible problem they were having with one of their
multimillion dollar machines. They had tried everything
and everyone else to get the machine to work but to no
avail. In desperation, they called on the retired engineer
who had solved so many of their problems in the past.
The engineer reluctantly took the challenge. He spent a
day studying the huge machine. At the end of the day, he
marked a small "x" in chalk on a particular component of
the machine and stated, "This where your problem is."
The part was replaced and the machine worked perfectly
again. The company received a bill for $50,000 from the
engineer for his service. They demanded an itemized
accounting of his charges. The engineer responded
briefly: “One chalk mark $1; Knowing where to put it
$49,999.”  It was paid in full and the engineer retired
again in peace.

Comprehending Engineers - Take Five

What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers
and Civil Engineers? Mechanical Engineers build
weapons, Civil Engineers build targets.

Comprehending Engineers - Take Six

The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it
work?" The graduate with an Engineering degree asks,
"How does it work?" The graduate with an Accounting
degree asks, "How much will it cost?" The graduate with
a Liberal Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

Comprehending Engineers - Take Seven

Three engineering students were gathered together
discussing the possible designers of the human body.
One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all
the joints." Another said, "No, it was an electrical
engineer.  The nervous system has many thousands of
electrical connections." The last said, "Actually it was a
civil engineer.  Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline
through a recreational area?"

Comprehending Engineers - Take Eight

"Normal people ... believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have
enough features yet."  ----- Scott Adams, The Dilbert

Comprehending Engineers - Take Nine

An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing
whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a
mistress. The architect said he enjoyed time with his
wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring
relationship. The artist said he enjoyed time with his
mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found
there. The engineer said, "I like both." "Both?" Engineer:
"Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each
assume you are spending time with the other woman,
and you can go to the lab and get some work done.

Comprehending Engineers - Take Ten

An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog
called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a
beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog and
put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If
you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I
will stay with you for one week." The engineer took the
frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the
pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn
me back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do
ANYTHING you want." Again the engineer took the frog
out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Finally,
the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a  
beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a  week and
do anything  you want. Why won't you kiss me?" The
engineer said, "Look I'm an engineer. I don't have time
for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."
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